Not everyone is rooting for you.
A tough way to start a blog, I know. But I figured I’d just rip the Band-Aid off here and deliver the bad news.
It’s not that no one is hoping you succeed. I actually believe that most people are.
But most people isn’t everyone. And that turns out to be a pretty big deal.
Because research shows that social support can be a bigger predictor of your success than many of the other factors people spend their time prioritizing.
A few examples:
Unity of team mission and a belief in co-workers was a better predictor of business success than initial starting capital and market sector growth in small businesses.
Spousal or parental support was a bigger factor for people who achieved significant weight loss than whether or not they used a personal trainer or private chef.
Let’s just put a magnifying glass on this for a second. The people you surround yourself with most consistently are bigger predictors of your success than money, professional intervention and strategy.
As I already mentioned, that’s a pretty big deal.
So, if what I said is true - that most people are rooting for you - I still think it’s really important to look at the people who aren’t. Because who they are, why they feel the way they feel and do what they do can have a huge impact on your success or lack of it.
Why don’t these people have your best interest at heart? Why are they hoping you fall from grace faster than Bill Cosby, Lance Armstrong and Paula Deen combined?
The first is that some people are just pieces of shit. Sorry if that’s blunt or obvious but we all know or have known people who will only see their point of view and are never willing to minimally sacrifice their own comfort or convenience even if it means doing so would benefit someone else in a big way. Essentially, they are narcissists - a word that gets thrown around a lot but really does apply here.
And while these people aren’t that hard to spot, for some reason they are hard for many of us to get rid of. In fact, I am sure you can name someone in your business or family or friend group right now who fits this bill.
These folks are so good at talking, twisting and manipulating every situation that forcing them to exit from your life can be difficult. They might even make you start to doubt your own sanity.
The second group can be more challenging to identify and even harder to extricate. Because these are people who were actually rooting for you at one time. When you first decided that you were going to train for a marathon or open your flower shop or finally tackle losing 50lbs they were in your corner cheering you on, buying weekly bouquets and ordering salads alongside you for lunch.
But something changes.
You’ve now run six marathons and your times are way faster than theirs.
Your flower shop is now a regional chain and you were able to move into a bigger apartment.
Last time you went to the beach together they couldn’t help but notice that you had honest-to-goodness visible abs.
And while they are happy for your success they aren’t so thrilled that your success has now outpaced theirs.
So instead of accompanying you to Just Salad for lunch, an unexpected slice of cheesecake shows up on your desk.
To some extent this makes sense. We are hardwired for comparison and some people cannot get past their lizard brains to see that they are just being jealous assholes.
And while you will never change the mind of the narcissist, this second category of people can change. If you value the relationship and you are willing to be the bigger person it is worth the conversation.
But if the sabotaging and back-biting remains you would do yourself some good to distance yourself from those people as well.
Because while you want to surround yourself with as many positive people as possible, it only takes one or two spoilers to derail your goals, your business and your happiness.
The good ones are out there. But you already know that. You could probably name a bunch of them right now.
But, if all else fails and you feel like no one is on your side, know that I’m rooting for you like hell.
You’ve always got me.