You’ve got to hand it to me on this one.
The title of this post is just straight up clickbait material.
If this were a YouTube video the thumbnail would have flames in the background and laser beams shooting out of my eyes as I hold up three fingers directly to the camera.
Normally, I use obscure James Joyce or Jimmy Buffet references as my subject lines hoping that two or three of you get the joke and are rewarded with an unexpected chuckle or head nod.
(BTW, this strategy of giving your posts a title that .02% of your readership will ‘get’ is not something you will find in most marketing textbooks…you’re welcome).
But this subject line! I’ve gotta imagine that I’m going to PR my open rate on this one. Perhaps I’ll apply for a job at BuzzFeed.
Ok, now that the warranted self-congratulation is done, allow me to deliver the goods.
The three words that will allow you to reach nearly any goal, whether fitness, financial or relationship are:
It’s. My. Fault.
Sure, we all want to find reasons as to why the things that plague us and hold us back are fully the fault of others or our genetics or bad luck or the whimsy of the gods, but when you take ownership over your limitations two amazing things happen.
The first is that you take power and control over your situation. And having power and control feels, well, powerful.
Let me ask you this. Would you rather believe that you can never be a great piano player because you have short, stubby fingers or would you rather believe that you could be a great piano player if you just practiced for an hour a day?
Would you rather think you are destined to be poor because your husband is terrible at choosing stocks or would you rather believe that you could start an online relationship coaching business and get rich?
Sure, it may be easier to blame your poor fingers or your gullible husband for your situation. But in both those instances you have positioned yourself as the victim. And if I’ve learned anything from listening to pop songs and watching westerns it is this - the victim never wins.
When it comes to fitness and fat loss I’ve heard many people blame their lack of time and/or money for their lack of progress. But unless you are a single Mom working a couple of jobs in order to provide for your family (or in a situation similar) it’s very hard to believe that you do not have the $10 per month and two hours per week that it takes to get started in a gym. Most people who are aiming to improve their fitness levels just aren’t in that desperate of a situation. At the very least, most people who have access to this blog aren’t.
And while genetic limitations are a very real thing, of the 10,000 people I have either trained or trained alongside in the gym I am yet to meet one who has worked up to their genetic potential.
The second thing that happens when you take ownership of your situation is that you are no longer the victim and you start to realize you have options.
Sure, you may not be great with money. But rather than blaming your parents for never teaching you how to manage your finances or the fact that you decided to pursue your passion for drama rather than tackle an economics degree, you can take action and attack the problem from wherever you are.
Maybe you start watching YouTube videos on how mutual funds work. Or hire an accountant this year to take care of your taxes. Perhaps it’s something as simple opening a separate bank account and saving $100 per week.
We are fortunate enough to live in a time where resources and education are more readily available than ever. And this makes overcoming your issues more accessible than ever.
When it comes to training there are more open resource research papers, greater access to smart trainers and coaches who are willing to share information and free calorie counters and nutrition trackers that can live right on your phone.
If you have the resources you can join a training facility that gives you access to this expertise and the equipment and environment necessary to help you succeed. Hell, you can even order a piece of training equipment to your house and join a live group exercise class or hire a virtual trainer.
The point is, the right solution is out there. And given the savviness and ubiquity of marketing these days, you are likely being confronted with solutions all the time.
But none of this is valuable if you stay stuck in the victim mindset. Because you will be so consumed with how unfair it is that you’ve inherited your Dad’s skinny arms that you won’t have your eyes open enough to see the solutions that are right in front of you.
And if all this seems daunting I’ll give you an even easier first step. Start by just not speaking negatively about your situation. Rather than saying “I’m terrible with technology” simply reframe it as “I just haven’t figured out this program yet”. Because if you speak negatively over yourself those limitations will become your identity.
And identity is a much harder thing to change than limitations.
I know, I know. Right about now you are saying “this is some real basic shit, Dan. Where’s the usual razzle-dazzle I come here for?”
And I get it. When I write it out this way it does seem really basic.
Yet, just as many people ignore the basics in the gym - wanting to do fancy exercises instead of the tried-and-true, add weight before they have command over the range of motion, pursue whacky periodization schemes rather than just focusing on getting progressively stronger - many people ignore the basics when it comes to their own success and mental well-being.
Believe me, if my email marketing service would allow it and I thought there was a chance in hell that you’d click on it, that last paragraph would have been the subject line of this post.