I earned the job of being a Dad later than most.
Not quite Al-Pacino-having-kids-at-80 late, but my son was born two weeks before my 40th birthday.
This was not by choice or grand design. Quite the opposite. We planned on having kids much sooner. This is just how it worked out.
Mostly I don’t mind being an older Dad but I definitely see the benefits of having kids when you are younger.
There are the obvious advantages: you have more energy when you are younger and kids definitely require a lot of energy. Plus you tend to be less set in your ways and routines in your 20s than in your 40s. And if there is anything that will get you out of your routine it’s having a kid.
You’re also fighting societal norms.
“Aren’t you a little old to have a kid that age, gramps?”
“Hey, that’s ‘Jacked Gramps’ to you!”
Luckily for us, my wife and I both look relatively younger than we are so this hasn’t really been a major issue. But as this beard gets more white perhaps that will change.
There’s a lot that goes into what makes for a good Dad and, frankly, you know most of it. Keep them clean. Have the correct batteries on hand to put in the toys. Be there for them when they need you. Prepare them for what is to come.
But after 12 years of experience, the “what” and the “how” of being a good Dad - something that can be really scary when it’s all brand new - doesn’t weigh on my mind as much.
Now the worry is “how long”.
Will I be around for as long as he needs me? Will I be able to play my role in helping him navigate what is yet to come?
Without question there is more of a focus on longevity now than there ever has been in the past. When we first started talking to people about training goals or what is motivating them to sign up for the gym it used to swing towards wanting to get in shape for their wedding or get stronger in the squat or look better in a little black dress.
But these days, more and more people are coming to the realization that a life well lived in your 80s starts with taking care of yourself in your 20s, 30s and 40s.
And that is a remarkable leap forward. The fact that people even associate strength training with both living longer and living better was something that just didn’t exist a decade or two ago. Sure, you had luminaries like Jack LaLane who seemed completely unbreakable even into his 80s. But people like LaLane were considered outliers just as much as carnival sideshow strongmen. Perhaps something to be admired but not something to aspire to.
With the rise of longevity as an aspiration so too comes its commoditization. Ultra-purified olive oils, red light therapy, exotic plant extracts and much wilder things are pedaled as sure-fire ways to add decades to your life.
But, as with most things that are too good to be true, those things really haven’t held up to any rigorous testing to validate the claims.
All hope is not lost, however. If longevity and quality of life as you age is important to you (and, whether or not you have kids, it should be) there are some things that have proven to at least some degree to be beneficial.
And while these things aren’t going to be mind blowing, I feel good about cataloging them here. Because, as with most good advice, it’s not a matter of teaching you something new, it’s about reminding you of what you already know to be true.
So here are the big rocks that can actually help you live a longer and more successful life. There are others, but these are the ones that I could actually back up with research if you are skeptical and need proof.
Regular preventative health screenings. You thought I was going to start with strength training, didn’t you. Well, rather than be as predictable as any of Ben Affleck’s wives filing for divorce, I figured I’d start with something traditional yet really effective.
Traditional medicine is getting increasingly better at detecting disease even in the absence of symptoms. And it is also quite good at remedying those diseases when caught in the early stages.
So things like breast exams and colonoscopies can truly extend your life in certain circumstances in a more meaningful and powerful way than probably anything else on this list.
Managing your body weight. People with lower body weights tend to live longer. This should make sense as the lighter you are the less taxed your organs and systems need to be to keep you up and running with daily functions.
In simpler terms, it’s much harder for your heart to pump everything it needs through 250lbs than it does 150lbs.
Of course there is a point of diminishing returns and you don’t want to be frail (see the next section) but, in general, lighter tends to be better.
Maintain strength and muscle mass. While this may seem contrary to the above, having and maintaining muscle mass is critical for everyday function as you age. Surviving falls and being able to get yourself out of bed will extend your life in ways you cannot imagine from the perspective of your younger and healthier self.
You do not need to be bodybuilder jacked. But some people are so devoid of muscle mass as they enter midlife that they have no hope of remaining functional as they get older. And increasing muscle at later stages in life becomes more difficult. So it’s important to prioritize strength training, even if that comes at the expense of cardiovascular training.
Maintain a healthy sleep schedule. Again, none of this is rocket science. I’m just a regular meathead, not Neil Armstrong. But getting ample sleep (on average 7.5 hours per night) and trying to get that sleep in a cool, dark room with a similar sleep and rise time each day is tremendously beneficial for both your physical and cognitive functions.
Maintain good relationships. While this sounds morbid, it may also sound relatable. People absolutely die from loneliness. So surrounding yourself with family or friends or loved ones or pets can absolutely both extend your life and the quality of it.
Conversely, toxic relationships can chip away at your health and your soul as it is one of the highest drivers of stress that most people face.
I read a story recently about a young woman who inherited a wedding ring. This family heirloom has been passed down through six generations in her family. It was originally her great-great-great grandmother’s. Apparently every time the ring was passed down, the mother was obligated to include these instructions.
“While I am giving you this ring, it is not for you. It’s simply for you to hold onto until you pass it to your daughter.”
And this resonated deeply, Because just like nearly everyone else, I started training for myself. To gain strength and abs and confidence. But now I find that, more and more, I do it for my family.
Because children value and mirror what they see. And this is my way of passing down the instructions.
But it’s also because I want to be around to do the job of being a Dad for as long as I can.