Let me give you my four earliest core memories, in no particular order:
These all take place in my first home, a two-bedroom rental in Flushing, Queens, New York in the early 1970s.
Number one: going into my Mom’s bedroom while she read a romance novel (probably Danielle Steele) to ask her how to spell my name. If that’s not the sweetest thing you ever heard in your life, I don’t know what is.
Number two: waking up in the middle of the night to find my brother puking next to me (we shared a bed) and running down the hall to tell my parents.
Number 3: completely emptying the rainbow contact-papered toy chest my Dad had made (this thing was an absolute death trap) and my brother, upon returning home from first grade, being forced by my Mom to help me clean it up.
Number 4: pulling a high stool up to a fish tank that was the focal point of our living room and watching the tropical fish swim for what felt like hours.
I loved fish and aquariums growing up (my son does as well, I wonder if it’s in our genetics).
So when we moved out of that apartment and into a house on Long Island (and my brother and I grew too large to share a bed and, ultimately, a room) I asked for a fish tank of my own.
We went to Ed’s Aquarium with its amazing angel fish sign out front and picked out a small tank, filter, fake plastic plants along with two goldfish, some guppies, neons and a few other breeds (are fish categorized by “breed”??) and took them home.
As we set up the tank and the fish floated in their plastic bags atop of the water in order to get acclimated, my Dad grabbed me by the shoulders, turned me to face him and said:
“Danny, you have to remember two things. Don’t overfeed the fish. And keep the tank clean.”
Typically when my Dad gets your attention it’s to deliver some well-rehearsed Catskills-resort level humor.
But on this day he delivered some great advice that has not only served me in trying to keep fish alive (typically unsuccessfully) but also carries over wonderfully to the rest of life.
“Don’t feed your fish too much” speaks for itself.
“Keep your fish tank clean” impacts everything else that you do. Because if your tank (your environment) isn’t clean then the fish (you!) isn’t going to make it very far.
So let’s discuss the very basic ways in which you can keep your own personal fish tank clean. If you actually follow these instructions this will be the most important document you’ve read in your life.
Think of it as “Eat, Pray, Love” but the meathead version. With less traveling involved.
Number one is near and dear to my heart: you must find a gym that is not only functional and has the equipment you want to use, it has to be filled with people or trainers or instructors that you enjoy being around and elevate you.
Clearly, physical fitness is important to me. I’ve been training for a long time and I’ve made it my livelihood as well. So I would train regardless. But training is much, much harder if the vibes are wrong.
If I’m going to squat until I poop out my spine you best believe that I need to do it in a gym that I love surrounded by people I love. Otherwise I just find myself in the corner doing yet another set of biceps curls while listening to Motley Crue on my headphones (which, honestly, is not the worst thing).
But, honestly, the right training environment makes a massive difference when it comes to your experience and your outcomes. So find a gym where you belong.
Second on our list is prioritizing good relationships.
If you surround yourself with people you are always in conflict with you will be stressed out at all times. And, last I checked, stress all the time isn’t great for you.
Find people you can talk to. Who will listen to you. Who will support you. Who will call you out on your bullshit when necessary.
Have you ever seen those “Top 10 Best Cities To Live In” articles on Apple News? You know, the ones you read instead of doing work. Well, when it comes to ranking high, right up there with cost of living and access to outdoor spaces, is positive social relationships.
Good relationships very directly equate with happiness. Bad relations do exactly the opposite.
To paraphrase my favorite motivational speaker of all time Les Brown, surround yourself with winners.
Now that you’ve got a good environment to train in and you’ve surrounded yourself with the right people, we need to take the next step (which, quite honestly should be the first step) and that is to clean out your mind.
Two ways of doing this. The first is to get ample sleep. I’m going to keep this very simple. Get 7.5 hours per night. Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day.
Do some people need more or less sleep? Sure. Does what you do in the 45 minutes before you sleep impact sleep quality? Probably. But until you get to the point where you get 7.5 hours of consistent sleep per night you actually have no idea how important anything else surrounding sleep even might be. So start there.
Secondly is to have a consistent mediation practice.
“But Daaaaaaaaan. I don’t like meditating and every time I do it my mind races and I get thoughts and I’m doing it wrong.”
Which, ironically enough, is why you need mediation. Like yoga, meditation is a practice. It takes time to improve at it and the only way to get there is by practicing. Sure, you can get guidance or a coach to shorten the process but you are likely going to have to sit for a while for it to become effective.
Also, most everyone claims they are bombarded, don’t get enough alone time and wish they could improve their mental health. Meditation delivers all three so I’m not sure what you are complaining about.
Lastly, and I did say this speaks for itself earlier so apologies for circling back around, but you have to monitor your nutrition. Don’t eat too much or too little (it’s not too complicated to figure out what that actually is), eat foods that are full of nutrition (vegetables, quality meats, nuts, seeds, rice…), you can allow for occasional indulgences but probably less than you think.
That’s it. If everyone followed that nutrition advice and didn’t add any additional layers of complication, the cost of healthcare in this country would drop by 70% and you’d be living a happier life (you might not notice it or admit it but your food choices affect your mood, big time).
OK, let’s review. How do you keep your own personal fish tank clean?
Train in an environment that benefits you. Maintain positive relationships. Sleep consistently and develop a meditation practice. Eat nutritious foods in the proper amounts.
Mind-blowing, cutting edge advice, I know.
But as Miley Cyrus once said, you can’t pee in the pool and still expect to see underwater.
Or maybe it was my Dad that said that.
Actually, it was probably just me.