My wife is not going to enjoy this.
While she is very supportive of my obsession with fitness, she prefers when these Monday morning blogs start with some heart warming story about my grandparents or, surprisingly enough, a hot take. Like why Jujy Fruits are the best movie theater candy.
(My argument: they are delicious and stick to your teeth for about 7 hours so you continue to “enjoy” them way after the movie is over.)
In fact, I think she wishes it would start, continue and end with me having barely mentioned a back squat or biceps curl.
But I am who I am. And while this might be slightly jarring for all involved, I’m going to jump right into the fitness.
When speaking to many of you on the phone, particularly those of you who currently go to the gym and follow a program, that program is most often push-pull-legs.
For those of you non-exercise scientists who might not have Huberman on speed dial or know the difference between pronation and supination (gasp!), push-pull-legs is a three day training cycle with one day focused on upper body “pulling” exercises (such as pull ups and rows), one day focused on upper body “pushing” exercises (such as bench press and dips) and one day that focuses on, you guessed it, legs.
OK, I certainly have lost my wife by now. Which is a shame because I’m going to pivot slightly from the meathead nerdy talk onto a different type of push and pull.
And that is the push and pull of life. Or perhaps more specifically, the push and pull of the people in your life.
I know, I know. I’m already at the risk of going from too gym bro to too Socrates, but stick with me and I think we’ll find the middle ground.
Internal desires often start with a pull.
You shoot straight up in the middle of the night and, you decide for some reason, that you really, really, really want to fulfill your life’s desire of learning the saxophone.
It seemingly comes out of nowhere. Sure, you’ve found yourself closing your eyes when listening to Clarence Clemons “Jungleland” solo on the bus to work. And you did, somewhat mysteriously, have that Kenny G poster up on your wall for a brief time when you were 14. But this is mostly a sudden and crazy and unstoppable idea that will now not let you sleep.
So you get on the computer and you start searching for local sax instructors. Realizing that there isn’t one within 30 miles you start looking into online courses. Within a week you’ve spent more money than you are comfortable with on a starter sax. Your wife wonders why a chair and music stand have suddenly made their way into the corner of the living room. Your neighbors start making multiple complaints to the HOA.
When you are being pulled towards something, the desire is there but everything feels like an uphill battle. No one understands why you are doing this. Your wife is upset her sleep is interrupted. You let it slip in a meeting that you’ve taken up the instrument and you are now exclusively referred to as “Saxy Stu” in the office.
You feel alone and lacking the support and, at best, feeling a little silly or, at worst, feeling like you’re a weirdo who has made a terrible decision.
But you stick with it and things change. All of a sudden you can play the Rocky theme which earns you favor with your father-in-law as it’s his favorite movie. Your parents buy you a really nice sax stand for the holidays. Your wife has stopped wearing headphones around the house.
You find other sax-loving friends. They tell you about an opening in a wedding band and all of a sudden you are spending every other Saturday at the Acropolis Catering Hall playing 80s hits. People go wild when you play the intro to “Careless Whisper”.
You’ve gone from being pulled to being pushed. You’ve received the support of your loved ones. You’ve found equally obsessed peers. Saxy Stu becomes the hero of the office. You feel a lot more like yourself.
My personal fitness journey started with a lot of pull. I decided I wanted to get in shape for my wedding. That I was tired of being in the body I was in.
But I had no idea what I was doing. I didn’t know the difference between a carbohydrate and a carburetor. As a guy, I felt like I was supposed to just be genetically and intuitively blessed with a deep knowledge of how things worked at the gym. But when I stepped onto those rubber mats for the first time, the only machine I knew how to work was the scale.
Which, was not the most encouraging way to start, by the way.
My family, not really gym people, couldn’t really offer much help. My friends didn’t get why I wasn’t showing up to “all you can eat rib” night. I got a curious look from the dog when I decided to go out for a run rather than lay down for our regular afternoon nap.
But the people in my life caught on.
Slowly, my family began to understand that I was just going to eat fruit and not birthday cake. The big guys in the gym were finally convinced I wasn’t going anywhere and helped me with technique and form and taught me how things worked. Even to this day when I haven’t gone to the gym in a couple of days, my wife encourages me to go so I don’t start stomping around the house in a bad mood for no reason. I’ve built my life around being surrounded by training partners.
When you start off on something new, you are often going to feel the pull. And pulling is hard. You want it before the world is ready to support it.
But if you stick with it long enough, you will start to feel the push. And those hands on your back helping you up the hill will feel different. The people in your life will start to accept this new you. Because they love you and they want to support you, even when they don’t fully understand. And new, likeminded people will find you and you will find them. And because you share the love of the sax or the gym or anime or whatever, they will love you too.
And isn’t that kind of the whole point. To do the things you love surrounded by people who love it and love you too?