My time finally arrived.
It happened without warning on the PATH train at the Newport stop.
I took my phone out of my pocket to skip songs on my Billy Joel’s Greatest Hits playlist cause “Honesty” isn’t exactly the right tone for the morning commute.
But just as I was about to open Spotify a story on Instagram got my attention.
None other than Time Magazine - the American institution, the magazine that declared Bruce Springsteen the future of rock and roll 50 years ago - declared that “toned arms have become the new status symbol”.
I’ve been waiting for this moment. Visible abs were clearly a thing of the past. Giant, juicy butts? Yesterday’s news.
According to what has become a completely irrelevant magazine, arms are finally en vogue.
I, somewhat famously, love training arms.
I was commissioned to write a book called Bad Ass Arms by Rodale, the famous publisher of an also completely irrelevant magazine, Men’s Health. The officiant at Kyle and Jess’ wedding - our great friend Kevin Cape - did a five minute bit on how I was obsessed with arms training before taking off his suit jacket to reveal that he had cut the sleeves off his dress shirt in my honor.
So you can only imagine my giddy joy at Time’s declaration it was finally arms’ time to shine.
Then, unfortunately, I read the article.
The author went to great lengths to, of all things, politicize arm training. Claiming that arms were a status symbol being gatekept through socio-economic oppression. That toned arms are only for the privileged few who can afford good nutrition and personal trainers and Ozempic.
After doing three sets of one hundred biceps curls, I’ve calmed down.
I mean, the magazine that falsely reported that a bust of MLK had been removed from the Oval Office and also incorrectly stated that 84% of the images on the internet were pornographic, how could they possibly be wrong?
Let’s look at some facts, first. And by facts, I mean research-based personal observations.
The first is that arms, compared to legs or abs, are relatively easy to get lean. This will of course depend on your own genetic predisposition (people tend to store fat differently) but in general dropping fat in the lower body and abdominals is a longer process than losing fat in your arms.
So lean arms are not limited to the chosen few who can get down to single digit body fat.
Slightly unrelated, but equally important - a body fat percentage low enough for visible muscle definition and separation is not needed for optimal health. In fact, while low body weight does have some correlation to health and longevity, low body fat percentage does not.
This is also true of athletic performance. While body weight and type can be factors in athletic success, outside of bodybuilding there are very few sports that benefit from insanely low body fat percentages.
I realize this is only tangential to the point the article was trying to make but these are such commonly misheld beliefs that I thought it would be worth mentioning them.
Also, according to the arbiter of all things real and true, Reddit, most people do not find people who are super lean or overly muscular to be the ones they find most attractive. Women in particular reliably either choose very thin men or slightly more burly guys with very little muscle definition.
(I do refute this a bit as I think there is some shame and lack of street cred in claiming that you are attracted to more typically-considered-ideal body types on the internet.)
So if health, performance, longevity and attractiveness are the measuring stick - which I would argue have been priorities for humans since the beginning - very lean arms would be more associated with a lack of status and favor than proof of health, vitality or economic success.
But, I get it. In the world of “you can never be too rich or too skinny” having something outside the norms can be seen as unattainable, rare and, hence desirable.
Fair enough. But that doesn’t excuse the argument that one must be rich with endless resources to achieve these results.
While I concede that socio-economic status certainly gives you access to better nutrition, better drugs, better gyms and better training, jacked arms don’t require any of those advantages.
My arms grew every time I walked by the dumbbell rack of the Jack LaLane Fitness Center when I was a teenager. I had no trainer, had no idea what I was doing and was paying $33 per month for a membership.
My advantage was good arm genetics and having the testosterone levels of, well, a teenager.
Coach Eric developed his bi’s and tri’s by doing calisthenics workouts in the park. These are remarkably unscientific and free. And he is not some sort of outlier. If you look at most of the guys he’s trained with, they all have bigger pipes than the New York City sewer system.
I can also tell you that neither of us grew up with a private chef and organic vegetables. Our medicine cabinets were not filled with pharmaceuticals reserved for a 1980s German Olympic swimming team.
But here is the biggest and most important point. Don’t let me or some idiot journalist dictate what you do with your body. I love having big arms. Maybe you want noodle arms. Perhaps you want to walk down the street in a tank top and have someone say “damn, girl, your arms are looking jacked” and maybe the thought of that horrifies and disgusts you.
A magazine politicizing how you feel about your body is both demotivating and wrong. And, even though it isn’t my fault, I’m sorry it’s happening. With all the actual bullshit going on, you should feel free to get strong and healthy and have the arms of your choosing without any judgement.
My real moment actually arrived three stops later. When I had internet service back and could read the comments. They were flooded with people who were just as disappointed as I was.
It seems like after years of magazines telling us how we should look and how we should feel about how we look, people are finally ready to fight back.
Here’s the truth: arms, abs, legs they’re not status symbols. They’re just muscles. They’ll grow if you give them effort. They’ll shrink if you don’t. For some of us, it will be easier than it will be for others based on your genes and your means. That’s it. The only real status symbol is choosing your own damn goals and pursuing them without apology.